As I'm sure you will all notice, this blog will be all over the place from time to time as my emotions are like a pinball game. Some posts will be all about Kendall and her progress and some will be all about me. Why? Because it's good therapy and well, just BECAUSE! :)
Today has been a rough day. Kendall stayed at her daddy's last night and I picked her and Peyton up after work tonight. Her mood swings are so constant and jekyll and hyde anymore. I know it's the age and trying to grow up so fast but it still breaks my heart that a lot of the behavioral issues may be coming from the CM.
As I gave her a bath tonight I was rinsing the conditioner out of her hair and she looks up at me and says, "mommy, am I beautiful?" It took back everything I had to swallow the lump that formed in my throat. My response, "Kendall, you are THE most beautiful 8 year old girl I have EVER seen". What causes a child to ask that kind of question? LOL! Anyway, her innocence amazes me. She really has no idea how incredibly special she is.
To be honest, she still does not know about the CM. I am not prepared to tell her until after we see Dr. Bajwa on the 2nd. I want to be able to answer her questions. And a part of me is a little terrified of telling my baby girl that she has a condition that affects her brain and she is facing surgery. She's a smart kid. I am really asking for prayers for myself to gain the strength to be her rock as she goes through this.
I am positive that things will be ok. I am prepared for the worst and hoping for the best.
I am a mom. That is my FIRST and most important job. I am human. I laugh, I cry, I hurt, I get angry. But most of all I understand. I understand that my job as a mommy is to be there for my baby. To love her and cuddle her and to be there to make her laugh and be a kid. That is my goal.
Now if only I can continue to convince myself of this..........I feel so selfish with my emotions.
It WILL be ok. It HAS to be ok.
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Kori i love you so much!!! as i sat here at my desk and read all of this i cried. i cant imagine your pain & heartache! Kendall is tough and strong just like you - together with the help of your friends and family you WILL both get through this! we love you both so very much!!
ReplyDeletenicole
we love you and are thinking about all of you. i am so glad that you started this blog...we would love to be kept up to date on everything that's going on. at times likes these living so far away stinks. we are praying for you all and love you very much!! take good care.
ReplyDeletelove, ryan, allyson & madyson
I am so sad to hear that your beautiful daughter is going through something so very painful and scary. I almost cried reading your blog. You are so strong even to be able to write it. Your beautiful little girl is strong too. I am certain that she will be ok. Keep your faith.
ReplyDelete~Melissa~
Kori I am so proud of you. Your strength is commendable. You are my hero!! KJ is such a lucky little girl to have you as a Mom Don't ever forget that. I Love you all and will be here for you ALWAYS!! Thoughts and prayers are with you all. Love you Aunt Dee
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